After spending a half hour at pat's pizza, I realized that we use such simple language in our everyday routines. Here is a conversation that I overheard that day.
“Hi sweetheart, and what would you like to eat?”
“ I’m still deciding whether to choose the 9inch pepperoni pizza and the lobster roll. Yeah, I guess ill do the lobster roll. And can I get a Coke or Pepsi with that”
“Yeah, no problem darling. And for you sir?”
“Uhh, I think ill just get cheese and pepperoni pizza”
“And to drink”
“Just water, but could I get lemon in it?”
“yeah no problem, Ill be back with your drinks in a few minutes”
“ thanks” – they say in unison
“alright so here are your drinks, is there anything else you need?”
“ yeah actually were not from around here, so do you know where the closest clothing store would be?”
“yeah, theres a few places around here, but your best bet would be to go to the Bangor Mall. Lots of stores there. Oh where are you guys from. “
“ Massachusetts.”
“ its so beautiful there! Hope you guys have a nice stay here in Orono and your food. Let me know if you need anything”
“ Its delicious, thank you!”
Sometimes we can create stories from the most mundane moments or observations in life. I wonder what the waitress's story is, what the dynamic is like between the couple, if the wife was jealous of the husband looking at the waitress, if they are somehow connected in some way they don't even realize...
ReplyDeleteHi there,
ReplyDeleteI really like your starting dialogue but maybe if you added some actions to go along with the lines we could see how the person was feeling when they said a certain line for example “Uhh, I think ill just get cheese and pepperoni pizza" he says as his eyes glaze over the menu.
Great notes!
gestural pauses and narrative interjections are needed. A very plain conversation, as opposed to some of the revealing ones people overheard.
ReplyDeleteThis really shows an average, everyday conversation that we usually overlook but plays a big part in our lives. I think you could add a little action about what the characters are doing to bring it to life more. I especially like that the people are from Massachusetts.. its wicked awesome :]
ReplyDeleteThis is a very common conversation that could be heard in any restaurant. The way the waitress asked the customer's order seems real and you can notice right away that the waitress is very nice and polite when she says "sweetheart" and "darling". Good Job!
ReplyDeleteThis is a very basic conversation that can be heard at a restaurant. It's too bad you didn't hear anything a little more interesting. I know it was a girl and a guy, but were they young or old?
ReplyDeleteI wonder what their conversation would have been like if you were able to stay longer and listen ...
You're absolutely right about conversation. It is boring and not the stuff of dialogue in stories. Sometimes, eavesdropping like this can give you a line that prompts the imagination, though.
ReplyDeleteNotice that this conversation is talking heads and lets your imagination fill in the rest - they could be purple aliens for all we know.
ReplyDelete