
I hear….
I hear the water rush into the rocks and it makes a gulping sound
I heard the motors of vehicles fly over the bridge
I hear the wind flow through the grass
foot steps crushing the tiny shells where a living creature used to be
A plane, thousands of meters off the ground but still close enough the hear it pass by
I see…
a beaver damn, to me a clutter of wood, to them somewhere they call home
I see the ripples in the water racing down the river just like in a race
I see the clouds, hiding behind the trees somewhat scared to come out
I see the light shinning on the rocks giving it a a gold sparkling look
I see a house, hidden a mile away, protected by trees almost as if it is being sheltered from the real world
I see longs tall trees together with barely any separation closing an gap of view through them
I see the still rocks being crashed upon by the brisk water
I see the flowers, surrounded by grass but still pretty enough to be seen
I smell…
I smell the wind being blown into my face making me take big breath
I smell the clam shells, old, rough, broken awaiting to be admired
I smell fresh air, the same air as everyone around me breathes
I feel….
I feel my hair blows back from around my face
I feel relaxed, calm and refreshed
I feel the bumpy rock, which i used for a cushion
I feel alone, even though so many living organisms surround me
I see the turtle that pops his head up grasp a breath of air
His dark, deep eyes starring into mine
Him swimming away, his back to me as if he was implying that it was his territory
Then he drifted back to where he came from
Maggie,
ReplyDeleteI really like the separation of each of our senses that let me organize my thoughts and connect with each one.
The sentences were nice and very descriptive of the surroundings.
I could really feel that I was where you were.
Good work!
i also really like the format of the poem and i like the about the plane and how its thousands of miles away but you can still hear it zooming by; its really develops the idea of how the world is interconnected.
ReplyDeletegood job!
Maggie! I also like how you divided your thoughts in senses. It is creative! You give great details about what your feeling inside of you, and that way we can interpret the surroundings you describe much better. Good work!
ReplyDeleteMaggie,
ReplyDeleteI really like that you added the picture to your thoughts. It really helps bring your words to life! I also really like how you broke down your ideas in to the senses. I really like some of the imagery you used like "ripples racing in the water" and "still rocks being crashed upon by brisk water." Great observations!
Hi Maggie--
ReplyDeleteGood job covering all the senses--thorough observations. I especially liked the "gulping sound" the water makes and the image of the house being sheltered from the real world.
Cheers!
So much detail... I love that little turtle...
ReplyDeleteMaggie,
ReplyDeleteI agree with everyone else. I liked how you separated your thoughts because it allowed me to concentrate on one sense at a time. You were very descriptive which allowed me to picture the scene perfectly. I also really liked the description of the turtle at the end!
Good job :)
I thought it was very revealing that you felt alone though surrounded by life. You have a knack for bringing in the whole scene, keep it up, you are a skilled observer.
ReplyDelete